How to Leave an Abusive Relationship

Authored or posted by | Updated on | Published on February 15, 2012
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Female Crying Outside

Flickr Commons: Image provided by Courtney Carmody

Valentine’s Day is not always a happy day for all of us, because some of our relationships are not always filled with love and kisses. Instead, they are filled with hate and fists. Being in an abusive relationship where you are always fighting over who is in charge can be very stressful and painful. If you are one of those people who are in an abusive relationship, you may hate Valentine’s Day or be thankful that Valentine’s Day is finally over.

Abusive relationships are usually motivated by obsession, control and jealousy. Many times, the abusive relationship occurs because of a misunderstanding of each other’s needs. Abusive relationships can affect us at the physical, emotional or mental level. In the majority of cases, abusive relationships usually involve all three of these states (physical, emotional and mental). Because of this, it is usually wise to learn how to free yourself from physically, emotionally and mentally abusive relationships.

How leave a physically abusive relationship

No one has the right to physically abuse you. If you are being physically abused, you need to get yourself out of the abusive relationship until things calm down. The urgency of getting yourself out of the abusive relationship will depend on how serious the abuse is. Temporarily leaving a physically abusive relationship may not always be easy, but it will give you time to think about what you really want. If you think that the two of you can work things out, you may want to set up a time when both of you can talk in peace. If you do not think you can work things out, you may want to get counseling or end the relationship. You should never believe that you have no power in an abusive relationship. Abusers cannot play their role without the participation of victims. If you allow your partner to physically abuse you, you are playing the victim role; therefore, you are giving your power away and doing your partner a favor.

How to leave an emotionally abusive relationship

Emotionally abusive relationships are similar to mentally abusive relationships, because they usually involve brainwashing the victims through words and other communication methods to lower their self-esteem. To control victims’ emotions, abusers will usually use fear because it is the most effective tool to control victims without their knowledge. Once abusers are able to control their victims, the relationship becomes more like a bad child-parent relationship. The victims are always seeking for approval before they act, and they become too dependent on their abusers. They may even feel that they cannot go on in life without their abusers. If you are in an emotionally abusive relationship, you must learn how to overcome your fear. One of the best ways to do this is to face your fears. Other great ways to reduce your fear are to seek knowledge of empowerment and learn to overcome your ego.

How to leave a mentally abusive relationship

Mentally abusive relationships usually involve abusers attacking victims through the use of words and other communication methods to lower their victims’ self-esteem. The reason for doing this is to make victims think that they are to blame for their abuse. If you are involved in a mentally abusive relationship, one of the first things you should do is not allow your partner to manipulate you any further. If your partner becomes successful at manipulating you into thinking that you are the source of the problem, then you will blindly accept whatever your partner says about you. To prevent your partner from destroying your self-esteem, seek knowledge of empowerment, take control of your life and learn to love yourself.

What you should never do in an abusive relationship

One of the most important things you should never do is to blame yourself for being in an abusive relationship. When you blame yourself, you are putting yourself in a state of victim consciousness. This state is the main reason why victims have such a hard time leaving abusive relationships.

How to dramatically reduce your risk of abusive relationships in the future

To dramatically reduce the amount of abusive relationships in the future, you need to have a basic understanding of one of the most influential laws of the Universe. This law is known as the Law of Attraction. In simple terms, the Law of Attraction utilizes your thoughts and actions to attract certain experiences that you want into your life. To understand how the Law of Attraction plays an important role in abusive relationships, let us look at how it can attract abusive situations into your life. When you constantly have a victim attitude, it puts you in a state of victim consciousness. The Law of Attraction then draws in negative experiences to exploit your consciousness until you learn your lesson.

Victim consciousness draws in not only negative experiences but also the right people to help support these negative experiences. For example, people who have victim attitudes will draw fellow victims as well as abusers to exploit their consciousness. They will often wonder why they keep attracting abusive partners. They do not realize that they attract abusive partners because of the way they think. Because of how the Law of Attraction works, if you keep thinking that you are a victim, you will never free yourself from victim situations or abusive relationships.

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Category: Love & Emotions

Comments (4)

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  1. Vanessa says:

    Wow, what an amazing article. Very well written. I totally agree with everything you say in it. I noticed you didn’t mention sexual abuse but that is a bit of a sensitive area to discuss. I had a friend pass away a week ago today and she was only in her mid fifties. She was plagued with a multitude of numerous medical issues from that. If we are unable to deal with our abuse from our past in any shape or form it can affect our physical bodies greatly. I shake my head and it saddens me that we can hurt one another. We all are capable of doing that to each other intentional or not. I for one would not want to ever hurt anyone but the ego has it’s way of retaliating against us when a situation occurs that triggers one to play the victim or the bully. I bet you could write a book on this. It could help a lot of people. I think that is the main thing that goes on in this realm of existence because to a certain degree we have forgotten what love is. We either can’t show it and/or receive it. Hope that makes sense. Thanks for sharing.

  2. Ce says:

    For me, leaving the abuse is proving to be a LONG process. After 20 years of narcissistic control, i’ve slowly awakened. One day, i said to the self, with love and sincerity, “You may exit hell now.” That felt wonderful. I have left the abuser emotionally and mentally. The release happened during about a six-month process, involving re-evaluating my religious beliefs, and working hard to be both compassionate towards the abuser, and confident that the abuse isn’t acceptable. Now for the “practical” stuff. How to leave, physically? I can’t very well ask the children to start “walking south”, towards warmer weather. (No, there is no “funding”, until i ‘manifest’ some.) If the law of attraction is strong, and i’m strong enough to embrace it, then i have reason to believe the practical details will move along as well…???